What i suppose to do?

You shown up at my place yesterday.You've crying and told me, you can't afford to lose him, you're heart-broken. He ran away with another girl from you both engagement party. He left you with all your honorable guests, including his parents and you've no idea how to deal with this embarrasses situation.

I'm shock. I have no idea how to stop you from crying, not even any words to comfort or make you feel better. Because i did warn you that. This is something gonna happen if you decided to engage with him in rush, especially when he is still in complicated relationship with his ex-gf. But you refused to take my advises because you think, it's better to "bind" him up before he regrets. Then, he'll slowly get rid over his ex-gf when time goes.

And i asked you another question: If he ran away from the engagement party/held back during the engagement in front of people, are you still cool with it? You said:" No regrets. You have no idea how much i love him. I willing to give up anything for him, including my life and soul."

Then i said: Well, you did aware of that he is with you might due to the fact that you've with him when he needs someone to talk or be with. He fell on you might because he thinks it's bad to leave you when he doesn't need you anymore. He is now with you does not necessary because he loves you, might because of responsibility or just a mistaken thought that he didn't realise as well?

You said you're aware of everything, and you still decide to be with him because you can't afford to lose him. You willing to bear with any consequences you'll gonna face in future if you choose to have the engagement party in a hurry. You just wanna to be his "fiancee" as soon as possible to put away his "ridiculous" thoughts - Tried to get back to his ex-gf.

You still crying... i'm still patting your back and head, hug u in tight. You said you lose the battle. You're heart-broken. The pain is driving you crazy...

You knew it's highly possible you'll be heart broken. But why you still choose to hurt yourself in this way? You knew he will ran away if his ex-gf shown up, didn't you? I'm upset when i saw you with tears. I knew the pain because i have been through it. But what i suppose to do to calm you down? Or even to support you?

Stop being Optimistic when you knew it's not gonna be

You're not the first one who said:

I'm a pessimistic person.

I don't deny on that,

Because somehow it's true.

It's just hard to be optimistic 

Because it seems like I'm trying to fool myself...

You knew yourself more than others..

You knew how things work...

You knew exactly how you feel...

So who else know you better except yourself??

Stop trying to be optimistic when you know miracle are rarely happen.

Don't try to encourage someone

Just for the sake of sympathy...

For good sake when you knew that the outcome is going to be less possible positive...

Stop all these "encouragement"

I rather you said nothing,

Rather than cheering in purpose

Anyone can be Lier / Cheater

It doesn't matter who you are,

It doesn't matter how you dress,

It doesn't matter either what is your profession,

You can still be a Lier or Cheater....

I hate it so much when:

You said you gonna call me back, and you didn't;

You said you gonna hangout with me next week, and you didn't;

You said you gonna have lunch / dinner with me, and you didn't show up;

No apology, no guilty and no offense;

It was just me, that took things seriously.

I would have take things easily,

If I don't value a single thing between you and me...

I would have just say NO.....

If I have no intend to maintain our relationship;

I would have just STOP picking up your calls,

If I have decided to let you go...

So....

Before I STOP all connections with you,

Do take our relationship seriously....

You just can't forget

One of the hot topic in the family gathering will be: Do I have a boy friend.

If my answer is "YES", the next statement will be: Bring him along for the next gathering.

If my answer is "NO", the next question will be: When you gonna get one?

But my answer is never been a "YES"....... And I would just like to remind all the people who care about my status that: things happen for a reason. I'm just not ready to have anything right now and I'm happy with my single life.

It has been quite a number of years, I never feel in love. 

After that incident, my heart has completely shut. Loving into someone, it just something has gone far from me.

I have to apologize to those who are interested on me.... I can feel it when I was with you guys. Unfortunately, I'm not ready for a relationship. It's not your fault, it's mainly about my past which I can't even get ride of it.

The wound is heal with scars and unforgettable pain.

I knew I have to move on, but sometimes you just can't forget the pain...

Birthday Pressie 2012

On the 29-Jun, I received a great present from one of my ex-colleague in office:

~ A bunch of roses~

Flower Received in Office

The roses come with 3 different colours..
It was the most lovely present i received on this remarkable day. 


I'm very touch for what you have done for me....
But Sorry....
I'm not ready for a relationship.

I knew I may missed a good guy which i been searching for my whole life...
But I'm not intent to engage in a relationship with anyone without the fundamental of mutual LOVE.

Let's just maintain as a good friend like usual... 
And thank you for the roses...

It must be hard for her

We like to create hypothetical questions before we engage to the actual case so that we always "be prepared". 

Before I engage to a relationship, I did throw a hypothetical question to myself:
"Will I able to stay in touch with my bf, If we broke up at the end?" 

It took me few weeks to figure out... And I came out with a conclusion that: No...I can't be friend with my ex-bf...because his shown up will "reminds" me all the good old days...the sweet memories that we had.... 
Thus... To stop all the hard feeling... Ex-bf... will never walks into my life again..

And I did stay "out of touch" with all the ex-es I had....
I tried to avoid the "outing" or 'meeting" with them, if possible....
As meeting them face to face creates an awkward atmosphere between "him" and myself... 
And sometimes, you have no choice to fake your "smile" just to show your courtesy and actually, your heart is crying... 
I just can't take it... seriously....

And that's why... I feel what "she" did today... It's really cool....

It's "her" ex-bf's birthday today... and we're going to have a short celebration with her ex-bf with the ex-bf's current gf. 
I wonder why she can still remain Happy and Smile in front of everyone... Helping us to take the group photos...

It must be kinda hard for her, right? But she still smile and stay cool...
and the night was by such a graceful lady...

Vivi@n... 
Bravo...  
 
 

Just tell him You love him!!

I always give a hand to people who need my help....
But I've forgotten that, I'm not GOD...
Sometimes even God comes into the play, it still yet to be solved.

We're more than just colleague...
We're friend...
That's the reason that I put myself in your shoe when you need my hand..
I'm very sincere and willing to pull you out from what you're doing now....
But I can't, without actual information is given.

You can't just hide your problems under your bed...
Things will gone more and more complicated....
If you really love Him,
Tell him that you love him, and you wish to "upgrade" your relationship with him more than just BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!

Be strong and direct...
Get what you want from your heart...

It's not too late always!

I'm not a Perfect Person too

I don't like to pin points others in front of my superior...
Is that sounds so bad for you people?

I'm not a perfect person....
I can't guarantee that I'm able to please everyone.
There will be something that I had done wrong before too...
And if I did offended someone,
I prefer to know it from that person....
Instead of getting know from my manager/superior.

You may call me a swimmer.
As my entire life will be just focusing at Swimming...
I never think about to get "on board"....
I enjoy swimming....
And You can't force me to get "on board" on which port...

That's my stand...
which no one can ever change...
You may try.....
But you may get back with disappointment.

Friday, 13/01/2012 What a "lucky" day

I wonder why such a bad luck incident will happen on me, before I realize it's Friday the 13th.

I was kinda frustrated and upset with the comments made by the Perth Manager during the morning video conference. But due to the 'face saving' culture thing, I didn't throw my anger on the spot to her. However after the meeting, my frustration and upset doesn't go away as I feel the comments are unfair for me. Thus, I started the 'discussion' of this comments made in the meeting room. I was very emotional and got really pissed off during the presentation untill i needspilt hour out the 4 letter words "fuck off". Perhaps it was just not my lucky day, our conversation was heard by the Perth members as the mic in the VC room was not offed.

After the conversation, the Perth Manager called up my KL Manager to 'understand' what had happen to me. Then, I was counsel by the both managers after the phone called.

The Perth Manager told me not to feel upset as this is a project, and it happens a lot in project. And her comments were not personal ( I think this is bullshit as she mentioned my name, my package and even tells me " I should do this.....") .

The KL Manager is kind enough to put his comments on this case after he listened to my explanation and thank god, he is with me instead of siding the Perth Manager. But he gaves me good advise by telling me that: Sometimes people address comments in a very unpleasant way. Therefore, it's good to let the person who made such unpleasant to know what he/she has done to us by making an appointment to spill it out face to face.

Although both parties seems not to 'punish'me in this incident, I know this is not the end of the story. I'm ok after the feeling is expressed, perhaps I'll get some 'punch back' some days after. Let's see....

The lesson learnt for this incident: be more self-control and not to expressed the 4 letter words no matter how upset you're and, never talk bad about others behind, even thought its a truth.

Hong Kong Vacation Between Christmas & 2012 New Year

The 1st Reaction that I seen from friends/colleague when I told them I'm going to Hong Kong during Christmas and New Year Holidays!

Friend/Colleague: "Unbelievable" Why Hong Kong comes in a sudden?

Friend/Colleague: Are you traveling with your parents?
Me : Nope. I'm going alone..."
Friend/Colleague: "SHOCK".

Friend/Colleague: What's wrong with you, Yi?
Me : I need a break... desperately needs a break.

I just want to run away from my work desk & family for a short period as I'm under pressure and stress too much.
I 'm not "well" treated in my working environment and I need something that gives me faith & courage to carry on.

Thus, Hong Kong it's the destination.

Disney Hong Kong 29/12/2011

During my vacation to HongKong, I had chosen to visit Disneyland Hong Kong.

Many friends had told me, it's not worth for paying a visit in Disneyland.. Not really an interesting place to visit as "It's only cartoons".
However, I still choose to go Disneyland as, it's the cartoons that grows with me when I was little.

The feeling of being a kid was not that strong until I stepped in Disneyland HK.. When I saw the Mickey & Minnie Mouse at the concourse.
That's the characters that I always dream to meet when I was little....
The characters that made me sit still in front of the TV before the dinner..
The characters that "force" me to wake up in every Sunday morning just to "SEE" them...

And all the soundtrack that played in the parade/show, you got touched... Flashbacks of the cartoons are in your mind...
Tarzan, Beauty & The Beast, Aladdin, Pinocchio, Dumbo, Little Mermaid, etc etc...

I felt that I was back in the old time, walking the in the fantasy that I always craving for....
The Shows, the parades, the rides, the photo sessions with the Disney Characters, the songs, and of course, the fireworks session at the Sleeping beauty Castle.

The satisfaction of being in the Disneyland Hong Kong can't never be well expressed with just a few sentence...
The best to feel it is: Go and enjoy yourself!!
You'll never regret... ^^

It's 2012

Time flies...
Here comes 2012...

Review of what I had done in 2011,
In terms of work, social life & family,
It seems like there are still rooms for me to grow.
I could have done better for what I did.
Thus, I'll try harder this year ^_^

2012 New Year Resolution
Personal:
- Hope to get a playboy, which can "stop" playing because he has me. =)
- Parents able to enjoy life, live healthy and happily without much worries.
- Important is: Got what I want =D

Overall Expectation:
Golden word: PEACE - No wars & Natural Disaster

Let's Cheers for 2012... ^^

Use what you're gifted wisely

I called you yesterday when I was in the shopping mall,
To remind you that we still have a "date".

I knew you're going to further study in UK the end of the month,
I just wish that I can meet you up and say "good bye" before you leave...
And nevertheless, a gift that I wanna pass it to you.

I still remember the day that I met you in my life:
You've a shy boy which didn't talk much.
I can see that thoughts were running across your mind, but you had chosen to remain silence.
I was a shy girl at that time,
which I wish to talk to you and know you better.
Unfortunately, I don't know how to approach you further.

Few years time, you had changed a lot.
You're now a charming talkative person.
I can see from you, you're a gifted potential sales person.
The bright shine star that going to be discovered in the "Sales" Industry.
You must have no idea the way you expressed your thoughts and approached others,
You can make someone to fall for you, unintentionally.

You're such a person who capable of:
Getting the bird on the tree to fly to you,
to peel off its fur for you,
and climb back the tree as you wished.

Not much young girl can resist themselves from you
And I believe what I wrote here
it's worth you a credit.

But be aware in mind,
Use what you're gifted wisely..
You'll be just as successful as I thought.

Sammy... Good job.

I feel I'm such a useless & careless person

Feeling kinda helpless today....
Some kind of hopeless feeling towards myself...
I wonder why
I made such silly mistakes?
Or perhaps I should just say:
"Why I'm such a careless person?"

My job requires me to be "careful" on certain areas...
And I did "pay" extra attention on those particulars that needs to be "correct" at the first place..
But somehow, errors slipped under my eyes
I have no way to defend what I have made
But to try my best
not to repeat this mistake in the near future

Yet,
Still carry lots of guilt with me...
I feel I'm just some kind of incapable person for my manager


I was great when I was with my ex company...
I was Brilliant, Excellent, and I earned my respects from the others
My ex HOD, Division & Sector Head do likes me because of my capability...
I wasn't such a "useless" person before.....

I wonder...
Why I'm such a useless person in my current work....

Hope tomorrow gets better than...
*Finger Cross*

Shut myself from People

I knew a friend recently in my new joined office. His name is Albert Dominic Sebastian.
I have no idea how can an Indian would be given such a western name until I found out that he is a Roman Catholic.

I have no much idea about this person before I met him in personal, I though he is a white guy from Europe/Oceanic but at the end, he is just a Malaysia-Indian.
I have no idea how we get to so close, perhaps it's all about god's direction.

He is such a lovely cute person, especially when he gave me some advise about relationship today:
He wants me to consider someone good, do not always reject my options, etc etc.
He was funny while he was giving his "lecture" to me like a father... you need to get married at what age, and bla bla bla bla...

I was replying in such a "careless" manner but on the other hand, I did take in his advise seriously. I wish to tell him what I had been through, but the hesitation stop me from that.

It's hard to tell why I had shut myself out from people...
It just when you've tore off into pieces... It's hard to glue it back in perfect, just like it wasn't broken before.
Wound takes time to heal, but the scar will remind what you have been through.

Japan Earthquake + Tsunami

Japan had a massive earthquake and tsunami on 11-Mar. It is the most terrible earthquake + Tsunami i ever knew in my life. Japan government had upgraded the earthquake degree from 8.9 to 9.0, it's even worst than the Tsunami happen in Indonesia 5 years ago.

The earthquake + Tsunami are still not the worst case for Japan yet, but the Radiation leakage that happen at the Nuclear Plant. Now, the radiation has even spread to Tokyo. Everyone in the world, especially the countries beside Japan, are all in the panic of radiation out spread.

Unfortunately, i'm working in Sony. You can never imagine how worst the Japan's condition had affected us. Some of the Japan plant was destroy, especially the plant at ShenDai. Our warehouse in Odaiba was partially damage as well. All the cargoes that loaded in Tokyo were unable to transport to the factory due to the lack of fuel + workers.
You can never understand how bad the situation is, unless you're working in Japan company. You feel the pain so real.

However, we all, including the Japanese, we still need hope to get live on. We hope Japan can rework on the mess very soon.
Hopefully all the mess can be rearrange/restore back to normal in a very near future.

God bless for those who had scarified themselves in this natural disaster, please give strength who manage to survive from these.

Autumn 'sHeart

Out of the 4 Seasons, my best choice is still Autumn. Although i love the cooling winter with my jumper, Autumn has mean more to me.

I love the blue feeling that Autumn gives me. I love watching the leaves dropping from the trees; I even love to lean against the window watching the rain drops from the roof top. I love the color theme of the Autumn, it's such a kind of brownish orange color which sometimes can just express how i feel to the world. That kind of emo and sorrows about life being and relationship, Autumn fits for the perfect description.

And guess what, i found someone who loves Autumn as much as i do...

Will we get to share more further in future? *I hope so... *

Aftershocked (TangShan Earthquake)

唐山大地震 (Aftershocked/ TangShan Earthquake)

A movie directed by 冯小刚 from China regarding the most serious earthquake ever happen in the world in 1976, 28 of July, 3.42am.

More than 30 million people were death in this incidents. It is an non erasable memories for all the people that had survived from that/who have witnessed this natural disasters.

The movie begins with a twin bro & sis were living happily with their parents in TangShan. Before the earthquakes, most of the people saw there are many dragonflies that fly across the street, which that never happen before. At the same day midnight, the earthquake has happen. The father of the twin bro-sis are scarified when he tried to get into the building to safe his children. Both the bro-sis were trapped under a concrete and waiting for rescue.

Here comes the tough decision for the mother. Both the bro-sis were trapped under the same concrete and rescue team was unable to save them both. Mum has to make a choice to choose either the boy or the girl. At the end, she has chosen to save the boy. The girl heard exactly what the mother said. Her heart was so broken after that.

At the end, she was survived in a miracle. But the decision made by her mum was just affected so much of her life. It changes her personality from a hippy to a person who resist to communicate. After the earthquake, she was adopted by a soldier family. She can't forgot what her mum did to her although she was still young at that time.

She told nothing about this incidents to her step father and mother. This makes her step father and mother though that she might have a post-traumatic symptoms, which cause her memories lost about all before and during the earthquake.

But one day, in a very rare occasion, he told her step father that, she did not mention a word regarding this to them is not because she had forgotten all her past. The main reason is because she can't forget what had happen.

For those who hasn't watch this movie, i recommended this so much to all of you guys. It's a very touching movie and i believe, after watching this movie, you'll know how blissful you're right now. As what the mum quoted in the movie "you'll never know what you lost until you lost them. that so call a lost"

Welcome 2011

I was away from home for the past few year during the new year. I was traveling around with friends and also stuck in Australia during my Uni time.

This is the 1st year i'm back again, celebrating new year with my family. Since dunno when, i started to hang out more with friends than my parents. I use to feel that, i'm more close than my parents than my friends because they understand what i'm trying to do and say. Besides, from the way we communicate, we're under the same channel.

But when days go by, i start to have a feeling that i need to spend more time with my parents. May be because when i saw them getting older, i have a fear of losing them. It seems like i'm having a race with the death rep, i wish i have another 30 more years to be with them before the track has come to the end.

Nothing much special for me this year, no gathering, no fireworks seeing. Just the 3 of us, have a meal and watched movie at home together. Enjoy the time being together, i bet this is the best i can show my appreciation towards them.

May happiness will always be with them. Health and Wealth come after next.

Happy New Year, Welcome 2011

20 Nov

It's 20 of Nov again...
The date remains the same for me every year besides, the last 4 digits are increase when time goes by....

My 20 of Nov started to be different 7 years ago...
It's a day that full with happiness and sadness
For me, particularly.

7 years ago,
I was sitting for my SPM (O-level) exams
My ever last paper was held on 20-Nov...
It is Chemistry Paper 3

I remembered in the early morning
All of the candidates were still studying all the experiments we did for the past 2 years..
Hopefully all the Purpose of the Exp, Hypothesis, Observation, Steps, and Conclusion were written correctly.

It was in the afternoon..
We heard the school bell rings...
Followed by the exam invigilator's voice:
"Masa dah sampai. Sila letak pan atas meja dan berhenti menulis" (Candidates, Times Up. Please stop writing and put your pen on the table"
That's the most happy moment we all share...
Finally... SPM was finished!!!
SPM was finally done within 3 weeks.
We're all graduated from high school and...
Parties come Later...!!

For me...
I'm happy because the exams were done
But something makes me more excited than the exam was finish
Today it's my boyfriend's birthday as well... =)
I can't wait to celebrate and meet him at the corner of our floor's corridor.
He told me he needs to celebrate with his friends today... he'll call me again..
But, it doesn't matter...
I'm going to Mid-Valley to grab him presents.
I gonna buy him a special thing after months of money saving.
After i got the present, i even delivered to his house and pass to his mum.
I went home happily.....
It was the ever bliss and happiest moment i had...
The guy that i fall in love for my ever 1st time..

Night time..
He called me in the middle of night.
I remembered it was just 10 past 12.
It takes for a while for him to tell me the truth:
"He wants to break up with me"

20 of Nov
That's a day that full with happiness and sorrows..
For me, at least it is..