The Quiet Moment for Thoughts: Scary thought

Friday, February 5, 2010

Scary thought

Some people might think it's alright to just "think"... thinking remains harmless unless you put the thoughts into actions, it might be harmful to someone else and yourself as well.

There was a scary thought across my head last night. I knew i shouldn't even think about it at all. But it just pop up like that. I want to have a drink because i know I'll suffer after the alcohol. I wanted to torture my body and myself. I just wanted to tear myself apart.

I walked out to the kitchen and i stared at the wine bottle for more than 10 minutes. My hands were shaking and i was crying. I really hate myself at that time because i'm trying to torture myself again. I know the consequences and i how i had been suffered from that few days ago, and i decided to try that again just because i wanted to tear myself apart.

But at the end, i didn't take any alcohol. I went back to my room and i cried under my pillows again. I hope the scary thoughts will wipe off after i woke up the next morning.

4 comments:

  1. AWwww... I'm nearly heart broken after reading this short write-up. Don't try to make use of drinking as a way to mitigate or eliminate any baD feelings. Stay in-love with yrself more is the most crucial aspect for the purpose of living happily ever. There are plenty of ways to make yrself feel better, rather than 脾酒! Perhaps, talk to someone who is willing to hear yr voice, wordSs & thoughtSs.. Hope the awful thought stays billion miless away from you. ChEers, Yi Jia! We are here for you. =)

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  2. I know it's pretty scary thought... But no one can help me to get out from that..
    I don't wanna myself to get better.. That's the problem. I try to torture myself because i think, it might helps me to feel better after. pretty silly and stupid right?

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  3. There is nothing to be said as silly or stupid in this world. There must be some reason stays behind the fact. It could be there is no-one actually be able to direct you to yr desired path. I won't ask for it neither I have the right to know it. However, you must always bear in mind that, once a problem is created. There must be someway to solve or at least helps to simplify it. It is the matter of WHERE and WHEN they arrive and HOW hard you fight to against it.

    Regardless, appreciate what you have gained atm and always occupied yr mind with new hopes. Be well-prepared to tackle any challenge. Eventually, it helps to stay away from crippy & gunky thoughts. =)

    Perhaps, you should allow sometimes for yrself to think of what do you want. So you have a better life. =)
    CheeRrrSss, Yi jia! *You Are Not Alone* (MJ)

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  4. Thanks MJ for the advises. It's kinda an optimistic cheerish, isn't it?

    But do bear in your mind, sometimes it is possible of not getting a solution for the problem.Instead of "solving" them, most of the time they'll faded themselves with times. Yet, do time really heal your wound? it remains unknown till today.

    I always believe that it is good to be "honest" to yourself. For example: Cry when you think you want; Eat when you feel you're hungry; Walk away from the party if you think you aren't enjoying there; You can easily fool on others but it is hard to lie to yourself. Keep convincing i'm alright is not gonna work if i know that i'm not. ^^

    Therefore, we should learn to love ourself more because everyone should understand by now, no one can love you more than u do.

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